Advice for people considering marriage by Rosemary Price
It is amazing how many people enter into relationships and marriage not thinking about how it might end up leading to a separation or being divorced. I am not sure if this is because people become blinded to nasty ideas and like to believe that everything will go the way they want, or if it is because they just do not look ahead at how the future can turn out. But I do know that when I speak to a lot of young people who are engaged or thinking of getting married they tend to fall into this "but it will last, we love each other" idea, as if they are guaranteed to love each other forever. Some of them give it less thought than they would to booking a holiday or buying a handbag.
Some advice for people considering marriage - people often totally forget that they have no guarantee that they have real love in the here and now. Sometimes you can be chatting to someone such as a rich man who is marrying a poor woman, where most of the people around them suspect she is a freeloader or golddigger or sponger, yet the man will say "but she loves me". How does he know that? Because if he thinks he knows that because she plays the part and says so that is not knowing! If the same man were interviewing people to work for him in his business as a secretary or receptionist and he picked any woman who was young and attractive and who promised she would do a good job people would laugh at him, but because he claims it is about love he thinks that makes it alright. I have also known of many cases where a man marries or settles down with a woman just go get a lot of regular sex.
Think of it like this. Imagine you were a rich person, very rich, and you could marry thousands of different people who would be blessed and grateful to marry such a rich person, would you believe any of them if they said "but I love you"? or would you be more sensible and question whether they are lying or really loving your lifestyle and money? Some advice for people considering marriage - ask yourself if your potential husband or wife could have any ulterior motives for wanting to settle down with you?
But, of course, in most cases there is not much money involved, you are talking about two normal people who are not rich. And this should make it far easier to look into their feelings and motives. But does it? Does it really? I wonder. Because even without wealth clouding the issue there are still a lot of cases where people claim to be in love when they are not. Let us examine them.
You can get someone claiming they are in love with someone because....
1. They are lonely.
2. They hate the idea of being single.
3. They are old fashioned and believe that everyone should have a partner.
4. They are in love with love, the idea of being with someone, anyone.
5. They do not think things through. It never occurs to them that liking someone is not love.
6. They confused love with sex.
7. They want someone to support them and take care of them.
8. They want a father for their child(ren).
9. To please their parents.
10. To try to forget an ex they are still in love with.
11. They have no confidence in finding someone better.
12. Sometimes people who have physical or emotional needs want to lean on someone.
13. A woman who never knew or had a cold and horrible far is often seeking a man to take care of her.
14. They want a fancy big wedding day with lots of presents and fuss.
15. They want an exciting holiday/honeymoon.
16. They want to show their family and friends that "someone loves them" and they are not left on the shelf.
17. To annoy family or friends who did not like it.
Some advice for people considering marriage - look carefully at the list above and ask yourself if you could be wanting to settle down for any of those reasons, or if your partner might be.
Let us presume that you do love each other fine. But love is not enough. You need to be compatible, respectful and mature too. And both of you need to contribute equally to the partnership. Imagine you had a friend who was always wanting you to buy the drinks and meals when you go out. That would wear thin and eventually - if you have any sense - it would mean that you end the friendship. Yet I have known of people who have moved in with or married someone and ended up paying all of the bills and then making excuses for their partner. That is far worse than a friend who has a meal and a drink once a week.
Some advice for people considering marriage - Remember that t he main reasons many marriages flounder is this. - they forget that they are limiting themselves to that one person forever. They forget that means warts and all, all of the other persons' faults as well as their strengths. All of their cons as well as their pros. They forget that how you feel at the age of twenty or so can be totally different when you have known that person for a while and are now thirty, forty, fifty or even older. It is the same with friendship. You can be great friends with someone when young but if you were to meet them and speak to them regularly for twenty years it can wear off, you can change, or outgrow each other or find out things about the other person you do not like. Getting to know them better can ruin it.Some advice for people considering marriage- remember that getting married is no guarantee of happiness. Some advice for people considering marriage - look at you, the person you are thinking of settling down with and the two of you as a pair as you would if you were strangers. Be logical.
Here is a great example... A woman meets a man who she finds attractive and fun loving. She goes out with him, sleeps with him, enjoys some dates and chats with him, she gets comfortable with him. But then she marries him. Fine she thinks Until she finds out he has a criminal record and has been in and out of prison for breaking into houses stealing OR molesting children OR is quite lazy and has no intention of working and paying the bills. In other words the person he presented to her was acceptable to her, but she had not found out enough, and now the facets she finds out about later are very nasty facets which would put any reasonable, normal person off. But because they got engaged or married quickly they never found out all of those things first. Those things are deal breakers. And you should never ever arrange to get married until you know for sure about any potential deal breakers. This is especially important if you are young. Because when a young person says they are settling down with someone forever it is for a very long time. Far more years ahead of you in which to regret your decision. When an old person settles down forever they might mean for another ten years and anyway an older person often settles down for different reasons and has less options.
Some advice for people considering marriage - one of the things that people should remember - and it is not pleasant. Is that people have a different attitude to getting married now, and this includes the men. When I first started doing clairvoyant psychic and spiritual readings about relationships both men and women were equally keen and serious about it. This has changed. Now I get men writing to me for a psychic email reading, email clairvoyant readings and email tarot readings.They say to me "look I want to marry this woman, she is busty and has long legs and is good in bed" and they then go on about the sex life they will have with this woman. Nothing to do with love. But they also tell me that they are signed up Tinder or another dating agency and still meeting women wanting one night stands and casual with them. Some of them talk about marrying X yet still seeing Y once a week. With some of them there are no ideas about being loyal and faithful and romantic. And if they are like that now, before the wedding, how on earth can you expect them to be loving, honest, decent, loyal and faithful after?
Some advice for people considering marriage - remember that just because you love someone now and they love you now does not guarantee that you will love each other in ten, twenty, thirty or forty years time. Unless you are both mature and responsible and honest it has no chance of lasting that long and being happy.
There are also guys who try to avoid getting married but are keen to live with a woman because when they go into a chat room trying to get laid and the women ask if they are married they want to be able to say no I am not. And be honest about it. They know if they say yes I am the women block them and refuse to arrange to meet them. By living with a woman like a married couple but without being married they can get away with this sort of lie and get more meets.Now please do not think oh God, all men are creeps. That is not the case. There are lovely wonderful men out there. But you must not assume that any man who is keen on you is one of them.
As I have always said prevention is better than cure. So instead of hastily settling down with someone and hoping they are trustworthy and honest and decent or taking their word for it be sensible. Invest money in an accurate psychic email reading, a tarot email reading or a clairvoyant email reading to find out. Make sure that you include your numerology info which is your full name and date of birth and the same with the guy. Make sure that you have a compatability analysis drawn up. Because another reason that two people can get together and then find it goes wrong later is that they are not compatible. Enjoying sex together does not make you compatible, you need more than that.
Some advice for people considering marriage - If you do not want to go down that route then hire a private detective. It is not cheap. Get them to find out what your other half is really like. If they have any convictions if they have any nasty background that you have a right to know about and which would influence your decision. It makes far more sense than settling down with them - either living with them or marrying them - and then finding out some horrible thing latter that ruins it all, and it must work out cheaper to find out first rather than go through all of that and all of the expense that goes with it. Don't forget that if you settle down with an unsuitable guy or the wrong guy and find out ten years later you never ever get those ten years back. You could have been better off being single or with another man then, but it is now too late to meet this other man and enjoy a relationship with him. By settling down with the wrong one you are closing the door on the right one. Every time you give ten years to the wrong one that is ten years you could have given to the other one - and you will never have a chance to meet that other one now.
So this is some advice for people considering marriage...
Be sure that you are wanting to marry them for the right reasons... nothing to do with pleasing parents, being lonely, fancying a big expensive wedding or honeymoon. Think carefully about how many years of life you probably have left and imagine you being with your intended when you are older. Imagine being with them when you are maybe thirty, forty, fifty, sixty, seventy and see how that feels.
Be sure that your intended can contribute to the relationship. If all they are offering is to be with you and have sex with you then why be with them? If you will be the one who is working and paying the bills then surely they are not really contributing.They have to be wanting to and able to contribute as much as you. If you have to moan or nag them to think about getting a job or being more ambitious to match you then it will not work.
So here is some advice for people considering marriage - Be sure that you know everything IMPORTANT there is to know about your intended. Have they got a history of drinking, drugs, prison, police, breaking the law, being irresponsible, being dishonest, letting people down etc. And if they have walk away. Do not be soft and naive and say "well yes he did cheat on me three times but he said he loves me and will not do it again". Anyone who does it three times will do it four times - given the chance. And someone who loves you does not want to cheat on you, so that was a lie too. Why make do with someone who does not love you and will hurt you and already has when it is better to be single until you meet someone better?
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More advice for people considering marriage - ask yourself if there will be any sacrifices and compromises to me made and if so who will me making them? Sometimes it is very easy for one teo want to marry the other if the other is the one who is putting up with all of the changes and problems. For example, having to give up their job, move away from their family, move to a different part of the country etc. Would your intended spouse be just as keen to settle down with you if they had to make the sacrifices and compromises that they are expecting you to? What happens if things do not work out and then you have made these sacrifices. How would you cope?
And finally - wait. More advice for people considering marriage - IF you have any doubts at all insist that you need a long engagement or dating time. That way you get to see more of their little ways and the real them. If you rush into moving in with them or marrying them you might see something you do not like that could have been a warning before. If you are unsure then you wait, you should be able to tell your "beloved"you are unsure. If you cannot share those sorts of feelings with each other then there is something wrong. Never be worried about admitting you made a mistake. It is better to call an end to a relationship or engagement than it is to get into a bad marriage. Remember that a third of marriages end in divorce and many end up very unhappy but for one reason or another stay together. This could be health, religion, finances, family, fear of change, fear of loneliness, but it leads to nothing but unhappiness for at least one of them.
Advice for people considering marriage - Rosemary Price